Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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