Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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