He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
