I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
