so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
