would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
