Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
