I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
