I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize