what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
