Non-Jews are for practice
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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