Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
