There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
