ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
