Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize