Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
