He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
