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Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
