Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
