The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
