I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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