girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
