I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
