You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
