Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
