I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
