Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
