I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
