Define "chronic" masturbator.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize