So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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