Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
