my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
