I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
