My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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