Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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