Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
