If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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