why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize