u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
