I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
