Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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