shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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