im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
