i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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