I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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