bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
