They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
