some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
