Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize