Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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