you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
