3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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