pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
