It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
