how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
