i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
