You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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