If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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