if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
