i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I am spending my child support on dildos
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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