Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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