There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
