the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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