hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
