My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize