Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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