his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's never too late to be topless.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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