1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize