My brain says no but my pants say off.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
