I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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