we're blogging at a bar
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
