I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
