i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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