Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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