when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
