Little spoons don't ask big questions
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
