And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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