youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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