You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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