A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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