New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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