I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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