I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
