she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
