we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
