Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize