We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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