Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
