I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
