Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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