I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am available for nakedness
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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