i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
