Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
