what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
