Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
