i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize