chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
