i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
