return my video game
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
