for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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