That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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