Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
