Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
