I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
