Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
