I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
