I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
