He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
