I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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