Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize