Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
