Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
