Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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