Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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